Written by: Abigail Tokar
Edited by: Wynn Ng
Being in a relationship isn’t for the faint of heart, and bears much weight in each of the individual’s lives involved in it. It involves a lot of understanding, respect, and a lot of patience with your partner. Although we often try to emulate the best versions of ourselves for our partners, it isn’t always received as such. No matter how much you love someone, you can still end up hurting them, even against your own will.
Sharing your life with someone can bring up a variety of issues one did not even recognize that they had. The environment a person is raised in influences the way they express themselves to others. Thus, when a child’s needs of feeling safe and secure aren’t met, they will likely develop an insecure attachment style (Browne, 2024). An insecure attachment style will only progress as the child gets older, and affect those around them as well. Insecure attachment styles manifest themselves in every aspect of a person’s life, especially in their relationships. Issues in relationships such as codependence, projection, and problems with trust tend to arise especially when someone already has difficulties with attachment and has been through abandonment. This manifests into a kind of push and pull situation in a relationship, where one individual is constantly pushing their partner’s boundaries, coming off as excessively clingy, and inadvertently causing their partner to resent them. Meanwhile, this can result in their partner having the urge to pull away, almost as if they’ve now developed a sort of aversion to their significant other’s behavior. This scenario commonly occurs in relationships where one of the individuals doesn’t have a
secure attachment style, and it’s almost always caused by them being neglected in their earlier years.
The environment you are raised in can result in all sorts of issues in one’s future connections. In some people, however, this can develop into something much more severe, such as BPD (or borderline personality disorder). Borderline personality disorder is characterized by having unstable relationships, extreme mood swings, and trouble regulating one’s own emotions (“Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)”). In a romantic relationship, that can look like being extremely fearful that your partner is cheating just because you’re not with them, or thinking that they’re going to leave you after every inconvenience. It can also manifest in not wanting your partner to have their own relationships with other individuals, and even threatening self harm or engaging in destructive behavior after any sort of altercation relating to the relationship. People with comorbid, or conditions that often occur alongside BPD such as depression and anxiety are at a higher risk of developing this condition. The chances of developing BPD are much higher if an individual has grown up in an unstable household, had a series of unstable relationships, or suffered from any form of neglect (“Borderline Personality Disorder”). Although there is no cure for BPD, it can be managed through the means of therapeutic techniques such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), as well as certain medications.
Mental health directly affects the course of relationships, which is why it’s important to recognize the signs of detrimental behaviors and curb them before they escalate into something more intense. Even though it’s difficult to anticipate mental health issues, once they do arise, taking the necessary steps to treat yourself will not only benefit you, but your loved ones as well. No one is perfect, and despite not being able to control the circumstances of your past, you have what it takes to shape yourself into a healthy, thriving individual.
References
Borderline Personality Disorder. Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2024, May 13). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/borderline-pers onality-disorder
Borderline personality disorder: Causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. (2024, May 1).
Browne, H. (2024, January 30). Insecurities in relationships: Everything you need to know. Simply Psychology.
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