Written by: Arin Lee
Edited by: Eastlyn Zhou
Childhood trauma is a heavy burden to carry mentally, and oftentimes, interpersonally. However, it is also an invisible burden: one that cannot be seen from just the surface. Childhood trauma can result from a range of different traumatic events such as natural disasters, instances of sexual abuse, and witnessing divorce. Recognizing the negative behaviors that trauma can elicit in relationships is a critical step in one’s overall healing journey.
The extent to which childhood trauma affects an individual is usually determined by the number of adverse child experiences (ACEs) that the individual can recount from their past. Research from a 2019 study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente identified a link between ACEs and negative health and behavioral outcomes later in life (“Unwrapping the link”, 2021). Additionally, experiencing more than four ACEs puts individuals at an even greater risk for negative outcomes and behaviors including poor school performance, drug use, and unemployment (“Unwrapping the link”, 2021).
The consequences of the initial traumatic event extend much further than the time period during which it had occurred and well into adult life, heavily affecting interpersonal relationships in the process. For instance, an article written by the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies states that individuals who carry childhood trauma may hold expectations of danger, betrayal, abandonment, or potential harm within new or old relationships (“Trauma and Relationships'', 2016). The article also mentions that individuals are more prone to distrusting others, even those they once felt safe around, and may express defensive aggression if feeling threatened (“Trauma and Relationships”, 2016). Someone who was once emotionally/verbally abused may express distrust of another person’s kind words, even if the spoken words were sincere. Trauma can also induce lasting negative effects on attention, decision-making, and responding to stress, which can be a severe detriment when trying to maintain or build new relationships (“Unwrapping the link”, 2021).
The effects of childhood trauma on an individual’s social and mental health, particularly in how they respond to relationship-induced stress, are especially clear. As a result of experiencing traumatic events, many individuals suffer from a state of chronic, toxic stress. In order to combat this toxic stress, individuals may respond to it with ways that have worked in their past, but are in actuality detrimental to the individual or their current relationships. Melanie Greenberg from Psychology Today shares a largely known physiological response that affected individuals use to combat trauma-related triggers, which she and many others refer to as “traumatized states”, or more commonly known as the “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” response (Greenberg, 2019). A “Freeze” response might look like them shutting down or disconnecting from their partner/friends, whereas a “Flight” response might appear as the person avoiding the problem altogether (Greenberg, 2019). A perpetual “threatened” state of being, seen in traumatized individuals, is exhausting for both the individual and their partner, which puts a strain on their relationship.
Those who struggle with the lasting effects of their past are not alone. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, at least one in seven children have experienced child abuse/neglect in the past, and this is likely an underestimate due to the sheer amount of child abuse cases that go unreported (“Understanding child trauma”, 2023). In addition to this statistic, more than two-thirds of children reported at least one ACE by the time they turn 16 (“Understanding child trauma”, 2023). There is no doubt that the children who have fallen under this statistic may still be finding closure from events that were out of their control. Working with a therapist or licensed mental health professional can be useful in diagnosing trauma or stressor-related disorders as well as to develop healthy coping mechanisms and techniques in order to treat the instilled effects of childhood trauma. The most common approach to combat issues related to trauma is therapy: general types of therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or couples’ therapy are broadly used in patients with trauma-related issues, but it often depends on the specific circumstances that the individual had dealt with.
It is important to recognize how the effects of trauma might appear/look in one’s relationships so that the affected individual can become aware of their own need to heal, and that their loved ones can show additional support.
References:
Greenberg, M. (2019, August 13). How traumas create negative patterns in relationships. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201908/how-traumas-create-negative-patterns-in-relationships.
Trauma and relationships. ISTSS. (2016). https://istss.org/ISTSS_Main/media/Documents/ISTSS_TraumaAndRelationships_FNL.pdf.
Understanding child trauma. SAMHSA. (2023, March 17). https://www.samhsa.gov/child-trauma/understanding-child-trauma
Unwrapping the link between childhood trauma and health. EndCAN. (2021, January 20). https://endcan.org/2021/01/20/unwrapping-the-link-between-childhood-trauma-and-health/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAr8eqBhD3ARIsAIe-buOlai7p6kfubcEw4h0yUNfT9we7Wc31UboeXG3Ht9_Q6gJoyUJQScYaAsRuEALw_wcB.
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