Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder marked by uncontrollable and recurring, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) that can lead to repetitive and time-consuming
behaviors (compulsions) in order to cope with the distress. OCD can be expressed through a variety of thoughts and behaviors, with no two individuals having the same experience. The following interview highlights the experiences and emotions of S.C., a college student with OCD. The interview has been redacted into a brief summary for reading convenience.
Q1: When were you first diagnosed? What symptoms did you notice?
S.C. was officially diagnosed when she was seven years old, but states she had sensorimotor issues since she was three years old. Some of her most debilitating symptoms were contamination, which became most distressing after she had salmonella shortly before her diagnosis. While originally starting from obsessive handwashing, her symptoms began to grow out of her control. S.C. notes that there were times she couldn’t bring herself to go to some places in her house and avoided her own family members. She would not wear certain clothing or eat certain foods in fear of contracting any form of illness.
Q2: Did you find it sometimes more difficult to manage during different times/situations throughout your life? Can you give an example of what you found most challenging while navigating OCD?
S.C states the most difficult time was managing her symptoms with the demands of school. She especially highlights the difficulties of getting dressed in the morning. Her fear of contamination caused her to feel anxious and uncomfortable in particular clothing and materials. Not being able to find something comfortable to wear could lead to extreme distress, which typically caused large outbursts. S.C states that being late to school was a daily occurrence.
Q3: What is OCD to you? How do you typically perceive it?
While S.C’s experiences with OCD have impacted her daily life, she doesn’t perceive OCD as a part of her identity. OCD does not have the same debilitating function that it did in her childhood. Although S.C states it’s more manageable now, she knows it still has an effect on her. While her symptoms are not nearly as incapacitating, she still notices her symptoms in her preferences and habits. However, these habits are not like the volatile instability of her childhood, but more of a strange comfort.
Q4: Do you think your diagnosis has any particular positive or negative consequences? For S.C, OCD brought many negative experiences, especially in her social life growing up. S.C did not want other people, especially her classmates, knowing about her OCD diagnosis, in fear that others would treat her differently. However, her attempts weren’t always successful. Throughout elementary school and beyond, S.C received many school accommodations in regard to the difficulties of managing OCD. Many of her classmates noticed certain “exceptions” she received during school, such as more freedom with the dress code due to her distress in wearing certain clothes, and viewed her needed accommodations as unfair, causing her to feel separated from her “normal” classmates.
Q5: Looking back at your life, if you could restart without having OCD, would you? S.C acknowledges that she has experienced many hardships due to OCD. In the past, she had faced challenges with anorexia nervosa, a restrictive eating disorder. She believes her obsessive tendencies were the source of her restrictive eating, which subsequently caused a lot of heartache for her family during that scary and fearful time. But despite this, S.C states she wouldn’t give it up. She believes that there has been good that has risen from the bad. She admits that her experiences with OCD have brought her closer to her family, as well as allowed her to better understand herself and manage her feelings. Ultimately, she believes that she was meant to have it.
Q6: If you had to visually depict OCD, what would you depict it as or compare it to? S.C recalls a particular pillow she used to have. Whenever she was having a difficult time in managing her symptoms, she drew faces on this pillow and wrote down different emotions that she was feeling, like feelings of anxiety, fear, anger and more. She remembers that whenever she felt overwhelmed, she would punch her pillow rather than taking out her emotions in other ways. To S.C, this pillow is what represented the many emotions and hardships she had experienced– which she overall labeled as “helplessness”.
References:
National Institute of Mental Health. (2022, September). Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. www.nimh.nih.gov; National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd
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